Tom nails his wedding speech!

I have to share this testimonial, because it shows what kind of turnaround is possible when someone looks for the help they need and is willing to practice a bit to build their confidence.

I saw Tom's speech, and he's not exaggerating, he really did nail it! In fact, he delivered it even better than he had in any of our practice runs.

As Tom says, he completed the standard 5 hour coaching programme, and together, we shaped a winning speech. But when the moment of truth comes round, my clients need to stand on their own 2 feet, and, because Tom did the work, he reaped the rewards and did himself proud.

Nice one Tom!

Here's what he very kindly shared with me in an email yesterday:

**********************

Absolute lifesaver!

This program is brilliant! My name is Tom, I'm a 32 year old tradesman (so excuse my amateur writing) and I got married August 2015. 

Before this the only experiences I had with public speaking were horrendous. The first was my Joint 30th birthday where my partner snatched the mic from me midway through because it was going so bad! And the second was my stag: 24 close mates and I still fumbled, couldn't string a sentence together, forgot to thank the best man and ended up just raising a glass and saying "thanks everyone". 

After each attempt I was kicking myself because I thought I prepared enough, but obviously not.

The idea of standing up in front of 130 people was weighing on me, all these people are coming to our day and I wanted to sincerely thank them for it and I want to be able to tell my new wife how much she means to me without sounding like an idiot. I needed help.

This is where Derek comes in, my brother (best man) put me onto him. Derek's programme is so simple but very effective. I had two sessions with him, the first was 2 hours breaking down everything got to do with a speech, like what is nervousness and how to overcome it, what is the formula for a good speech and delivery.

The second was around 3 hours on the actual speech. I had the foundation of one wrote out which Derek helped me tweak and word it in a way that flowed better, he's a genius at this. When we were happy with it we practiced it for an hour and he left. Simple.

When the day came I had prepared as much as I could I was still nervous but ready for it... and I absolutely nailed it if I do say so myself. I was getting compliments all night and I couldn't have felt better about it, all thanks to Derek's coaching.

I highly recommend this programme to anyone, even as a life lesson, it's given me confidence where I had none before and I want to thank Derek again for all his help, hes a lifesaver.

5 Dangerous Phrases when you're preparing for a wedding speech

I can't count how many times I've heard these phrases!

I'll be at a wedding fair, or just chatting to someone I've met and, when they hear about NoMoreNerves, they turn and say to their friend, husband, father, etc. .."Oh, we've got that wedding coming up ... YOU should talk to Derek!"

And then, in AT LEAST 50% of cases, they'll come back with one of these phrases, and I'll be honest - it makes me REALLY worried!

It's not that I think EVERYONE is going to be nervous and needs my coaching. Of course not, but in my experience these phrases are usually a sign that the soon-to-be-speaker is not as prepared as they could be.

So, whether you're nervous or not, here's a freebie that will hopefully help you or your loved ones to be as prepared as possible for the big event.

Enjoy!
(And don't forget to share it with someone who needs it! Thanks!)

The Burning Question for Best-Men

The Burning Question

I've coached a lot of best-men and the question I've been asked most often - and usually in a kind of awkward, pained way - is: 'does the speech have to be funny?'. 

I say pained because they usually feel a LOT of pressure (much of which is imagined, or self-inflicted) to make it the best and funniest speech ever written, even though they may have no experience whatsoever of writing a speech, let alone delivering one to a large audience.

The Simple Answer

In one way, the answer is simple: no, your speech doesn't have to be funny...

...that said, most of us would prefer a few laughs along the way. Whether we're a guest or the one standing there with the microphone in our hand, a couple of laughs helps it all go more smoothly. 

I'd also acknowledge that there are usually higher expectations of the best-man's speech to be amusing than that of the other speakers. Especially in Ireland!

So, this post is mainly aimed at the Best Man and it gives you my take on the subject, along with a few tips to help you get the speech just right for you and your audience.

My Usual Response

I've seen enough jokes fall flat in wedding speeches to make me very cautious about how I coach my clients on this topic. Just search YouTube for 'funny best man speech' and see how many times they actually make you laugh.

So, I usually respond to The Burning Question by asking: 'Well, John, are YOU funny?'

I'm not trying to insult them. What I'm getting at is how much their friends and guests will EXPECT them to be funny. 

If you're generally a fairly straight-laced fella, then people aren't going to expect you to magically be hilarious on the day. They're going to expect to see YOU speaking. The best speeches are always genuine and not forced.

My Golden Rule

*If YOU'RE not funny, don't try and FORCE your speech to be funny*

(If you ARE funny - i.e. you're widely regarded as a person who's really funny IN FRONT OF AN AUDIENCE, which can be quite different to joking with your mates sitting around a table, then you can stop reading now and go and have fun working on your material. Wedding guests make a great audience; they're usually in a fun mood and ready and willing to laugh along!).

For everyone that's still reading, my message to you is to be careful about trying to stitch lots of jokes into your speech - it's REALLY hard to nail the timing and delivery when you're nervous. 

Careful now:

I'm not saying it should all be boring and soppy and serious. What I'm saying is, being genuinely 'funny' in a comedian / after-dinner-speaker kind of way takes HUGE amounts of skill and practice and is not something most people manage to achieve. 

The Alternative? Humour, Not Jokes

So, if I'm getting all preachy about turning your speech into a try-hard gag-fest, then what's the alternative? 

In my experience, what nearly everyone can manage (and comes across as more genuine at a wedding anyway) is having a SENSE OF HUMOUR.

This means that instead of trawling the internet for jokes and trying to build your speech around them, you're: 

• not taking yourself too seriously; 
• not trying too hard to get laughs;
• not relying only on scripted, usually clichéd, gags (though there's room for one or two of them if you can't resist);
• letting the stories / anecdotes be funny for you (see below), and
• behaving as your natural self, or at least as much as you can in this situation!

To inject humour into your speech, you need to prepare well in advance of the big day. Dig around and collect some stories, facts or anecdotes that are funny to begin with, then: 

• carefully select the best ones (1 or 2 should be plenty),
• polish them up and put them in language that you're comfortable with,
• run them past someone you trust and make sure they give you honest feedback, and finally,
• practice them over and over as a scripted part of your speech. Don't rely on your improvisational skills. When you're nervous, it's next to impossible for a normal Joe Soap to improvise in a funny way.

Of course, this post shares my opinion and others will argue differently. But, please, even if you disagree with me, remember this universal truth:

*Your wedding guests don't want to hear the EXACT SAME Best-Man jokes they've heard 5 times in the last year*

Naturally enough, you'll still be nervous but remember:

*Great confidence comes from knowing your speech reflects the real you*

If you need more help, or still have questions, then give me a call for a free consultation about your upcoming speech.  Until then, make sure you sign up to my newsletter and let the blog posts come straight to you!

p.s. Here's an EPIC example of using a sense of humour (and a video crew and a rally car!) to make a super-memorable speech ...